FiVe

FiVe.

Where did it really go?
How is it actually so?
It has been way too quick… also a little bleak?

Two point FiVe.

Made one attempt to go.
Not meant to be so.
Perhaps should try again… as things no longer the same.

FiVe.

I can no longer think.
I can no longer feel.
But I lie; I feel. Frustration. Sadness. Disappointment. Faithless. Undriven.

FiVe.

Is it a magic number?
To prime like it is?
I should stop this overthinking, but to what end really?

FiVe.

Sigh.

Change, Again

I made a sudden decision last month to make a job switch, barely a year into my current (previous from tomorrow) job. I was feeling stagnant at the workplace despite the short time I’ve been there.

No doubt there are still skills and knowledge for me to learn and pick up and my boss is more than willing to teach, but things just ain’t moving fast enough and I’m not getting any younger. Prospects ain’t any good.

It helps that my new company in the private sector is willing to hire me despite my lack of experience, with a bump in the paycheck no less and seemingly promising prospects. *fingers crossed* Such opportunities don’t come along often so it doesn’t make sense for me not to take it, and thus I did.

The only down side is the location; it’s all the way in Changi while I’m in Jurong. It’s gonna be like those years when I was in Temasek Polytechnic, except that I now drive and I can’t just skip work like I skip classes when I feel like it. Need loads of discipline to get up early and arrive on time.

I’m starting tomorrow and the usual jitters and apprehensions are getting to me. It’s self-doubt phase all over again. I hope I’ll be able to keep up with the pace in the private sector. I’ve been too comfortable in the public service. No culture shock, hopefully.

Good luck to me!

Tale of a Cleaning Lady: Why I Avoid Talking To Her

There is this very old cleaning lady in my office building; I reckon she’s in her 70s, slightly hunched but doesn’t walk too slowly. Everyday at about 12 noon, she would knock on my office door (e-passkey system and she doesn’t have access), come into my office and collect our trash. On Mondays, she would come in twice; once more in the early morning at about 9.30am to vacuum the office.

Initially I was pretty friendly, like I always am; stopping whatever I was working on, making small talks, asking her if she needs any help. I mean, considering her age, it feels like it is something that I, as a younger person, should do. Probably out of respect.

I suppose she felt some sort of a connection and decided to talk to me about everything; ranging from my education background, my pay (!!!), her complaints about her terrible management and how stupid they were (don’t we all?), her grumblings about inconsiderate people whom she collects trash for, all the way to whether my boss is hei-gu (Hokkien dialect for asthmatic).

All is fine to me, really (maybe not the hei-gu part, because, HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW??), but my gripe about her is: SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHEN TO STOP!

I can be working hard on a file and giving her monosyllabic answers to whatever she’s talking about after I have said my usual “Hi” but she just couldn’t get the hint. I can be at the lift lobby running an errand for my boss, or trying to get to a lunch appointment, or on my desperate way to the loo and she would chat me up. I have tried giving her the awkward “I don’t really have time to talk to you” smile and look but nope, she can’t take the hint.

There was once I even bumped into her in the men’s loo!! She was getting toilet supplies (somehow it’s stored in the men’s loo) and ain’t she glad to find someone to talk to. I quickly hid myself in a cubicle (I use the cubicles for everything because I don’t like to use urinals – don’t ask) and she went like “ok, ok, you go 大便 (shit)”. =,=” Like I would when she’s around! (Well, I wasn’t going to, but that’s besides the point, ha ha).

My politeness had become annoyance.

Now, I have to say that I had no problems with the cleaning ladies in my previous office. I would very gladly wave and greet them whenever I see them along the corridor. They’ll talk to me, yes, but briefly. They know when is the appropriate time to do anything, which is very nice.

So, at some point in time, say, 2 months ago, I decided guiltily with restitute that I shall avoid and ignore this cleaning lady at all possible circumstances. By avoid I mean not meeting her gaze to encourage her to talk to me, greeting her hastily and quickly focusing on something else, or, simply, avoid her literally.

You don’t have to tell me I’m rude, but really, there are times where you just can’t stop yourself from being annoyed, however you tell yourself not to.

That worked. She finally got the hint and since then, we’ve only been nothing but cordial to each other.

I appreciate the work the cleaning ladies are doing. I have all the respect for this old cleaning lady, doing such a laborious job at her age, but I think I want to draw the line at just that. Silently.

2009… Thus Far.

Other than having a new ridiculous super-micro-managing indecisive (the worst combination) Director in my office and seeing my colleagues bearing the brunt of it, with me feeling really sorry and annoyed for them, the 1st few months of 2009 should be pretty exciting.

14 Feb 09 – Dark Knuts: Welcome to Avenue Quantum stage play.
20 Feb 09 – Yoga 林宥嘉’s 《迷宫》 concert.
07 Mar 09 – Fly to Sanremo, Italy (transit at London).
08 Mar 09 – Arrive at Sanremo, Italy.
09 Mar 09 – Start of Course.
20 Mar 09 – End of Course.
21 Mar 09 – Fly from Sanremo, Italy (transit at London, stay there for a week or so).
XX Mar 09 – Musicals after musicals after musicals in London.
XX Mar 09 – Return to Singapore.
18 Apr 09 – 《天冷就回来》 musical.

That said, I can’t wait to leave soon enough, seeing how my superior is brown-nosing his way with the new Director, trying to accede to his many ridiculous demands. Ok, that’s unfair, because some are indeed areas of concern. But these concerns are dated waaaaaaaay back with no practical solutions nor decisions made but yet the superior is putting on his, erm, creative thinking cap, making everything seem so, URGH, because he is trying very hard to impress this new Director. Big waste of my time being involved in his meeting to resolve problems.

BLEHHHHH!

It’s Goodbye Soon And Back To Life

In about 8 hours, I will be on my way to Shenzhen Bao’an International Airport, ending my very first overseas holiday. I’m not really sad going back to Singapore because it’s home after all, but I just dread the inevitable idea of going back to work. The harsh realities of life, no work, no money.

I’m dreading work also because I will probably be grilled about the holiday; where I went, what I did, what I bought, is it good, blah blah blah. I’m not very much a conversationalist. I mean, basic questions should be fine, but I know some aunties (one the very least, and I think I know who it’ll be) are going to question till the cows come home. GO EXPERIENCE IT YOURSELF LAR!

Ok, that’s angsty. Truth is, I don’t like a particular auntie’s incessant questioning. The worst thing is she’s totally insincere, asking the same questions over and over again, not bothering to remember what has been told to her before, several times. Grrrrrrrr. Bother.

Anyway, I realise I didn’t buy much here. I wanna buy more clothes!! I haven’t got a single pair of shoes! I didn’t get a belt! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Nvm, I’ll return again, and will buy more things. Hurhurhur.

I SURVIVED A WEEK WITH VALIBOO!!! Hahaha. Don’t know how I did it lar. LOL! Nahh, she’s not all that bad. I mean, she isn’t bad. Yea, something like that. Muahahahhaa!

So, I promised myself that I will go for an overseas trip by the end of 2007. I did it. Very suddenly. Thought it was a lost cause when November came, but well, things happen. Which is good, if all are good things.

Lunch soon, and it’s back to packing. I hate packing. I don’t like to fly with Tiger Airways. Someone really should invent teleportation, if it’s invent-able. But as usual, some idiot will abuse the good things in life and everything will be so restrictive. Bahh.

Very soon. Home. Bed. Stable internet. 🙂

Run. Escape. Away. Away.

I need a break.
I want a break.
I want to avoid the tension I’m feeling.
It could just be me.
I just can’t control the way I feel.
I just need to get away.

I know this ain’t a solution.
I know this won’t make things better.
I don’t care.
It’s irrational.
I can’t control the way I think.
I want to go away.

Run.
Escape.
Away.
Away.

I’m standing at a crossroad.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know where to go.
It’s making me crazy.
I can’t focus at all.
I just want to run away.

Where can I go?

Me Really Wanted To Help.. But.. You Don’t Want!

Few days ago

Colleague who doesn’t care if can help:
*types* We are unable to accede yada yada.. but will not address yada yada.. if your client yada yada… *faxed*

Today

Me who really wants to help:
*hint and nudge* You can apply for concurrent blah… just try lar.. no harm..

You who don’t want my help:
*surprised* Really? Can ah? Hmm.. *deep thoughts*

Later

You who don’t want my help:
Sir, yada yada yada.. apply for concurrent.. yada yada..

Sir who doesn’t need to help:
Me, any submissions?

Me who really wants to help:
*thoughts* Sir, our lala.. but yaya.. so blahblah.. no objection to yada..
*verbal* Sir, our laaa…

You who don’t want my help:
*frantic whispers* You all promise you won’t address! We agreed! yada yada…

Me who really wants to help:
*thoughts* WHAT THE HECK?
*verbal* Oh, sorry, Sir, no submissions.