Words of the Mad

Right, the storm is over, for now. I’m hoping nothing else screws up. Sometimes I just need a lot more assurances than I think I do. Insecurities are a bad thing.

Having struggled through this tough phase, I’m a lot more clear-headed now. The stress level has subsided, and I feel a lot more amicable. How I wish I’m given the free reign in the things I’m doing, rather than going through approvals after approvals after approvals. At least I wouldn’t have to be this worrisome.

Can’t help but think that even though optimism is written all over my face, pessimism has actually taken over the whole of the inner me. Are Virgoans, being the perfectionist in the things they do, all like this deep down? Well, we ARE masters (and mistresses) in concealing our true self. This actually reminds me of Bree Van De Kamp. We simply can’t lose by revealing our weaknesses. No matter how much of a failure we are, we must portray the best side of ourselves.

People have been telling me about the good comments given to me by other people. I’m skeptical about these comments though. I just can’t seem to trust and accept the goodwill. Why is it so hard to accept the praises when I’m quite pleasd with the work I’ve done? I remember giving myself a pat on my back (not literally) knowing that I’ve done pretty well. But coming from other people… well… how true are they? I can’t seem to learn the importance of trust.

I’m probably afraid of getting head-swollen with the nice comments. I don’t wish to come across as arrogant nor proud, though I know I do get pretty light-headed when filled with praises. That’s when I began to doubt, and doubting isn’t exactly a morale booster. Thus I prefer not to believe and ending up wallowing in self-pity. How dumb.

Nonetheless, the end of something is the start of another. I can only hope that the journey will be smooth-sailing and life wouldn’t be so harsh again.

Having a really bad week at work. It’s worse when I’m miserably paid. I’m simply lost about what’s happening right now. What am I really doing? Why am I going through this misery? Who am I to assume such responsibility? Where is this gonna go? How soon can I get through from this phase?

Questions, questions and more questions. In a huge environment where ranking matters the most, it’s very disheartening to know that qualifications will add a larger weight onto how you’re being perceived in this small little office. I may have been over-sensitive, but I just wonder if things would have been more different had I chose a different route.

I’m pretty sure I have a confidence issue in where I’m at. I just feel… inadequate. I think I’m no good with whatever I do. I get the feeling that I’m being pitied upon and everyone is simply agreeing just to make things easier for me. Ok, that’s dumb thought. I admit; I DO have a confidence issue.

Life is really at a low point for me.

I’m in debt due to my education bank loan previously, mum ain’t helping ever since she and her husband became fishmongers. She’s forever complaining she has no money. Tsk, they brought it upon themselves, really. Right from the start, I’ve already told her NOT to venture into that. Damn right, I am. Getting all the red bills, power supply getting cut, they can actually still spend like nearly $50 (at least) on lottery each week and getting happy to strike a hundred odd dollars after a long, long time. If that’s not dumb, I don’t know what is.

Ok, I really shouldn’t display the dirty linens.

Whatever! I’m simply sad, sad, sad right now. I’m dejected, stressed up, and no one to call my own. I only have myself to blame; I only have myself to blame for having a lousy life.

Days where I feel that departure is the best escape… Sigh.

Had my first Yoga class today!!

Contrary to what Val and Cara were telling me, the class was not boring! Not to me, at least! Considering how I’m such a lazy bum compared to them, yoga seems to be the perfect exercise I’ve taken up! All I’d to do was lie down, or sit up, or stand up, do some stretching exercises involving the fingers, the wrists, the hands, the arms, the shoulders, the toes, the feet, the calves, the knees, the legs, etc. Such simple exercises!

Of course, this is just the first lesson, everything might seem easy now, but I’m definitely waiting for the upcoming classes to learn the more dynamic and interesting postures! I want to be able to, quoting a person from the class, bend like a rubber! Hahaha!

I wish I had the money to learn Yoga at a professional centre though (I’m taking my lessons at a nearby community club). There are many more types of Yoga to choose from at these centres. If I’m not wrong, the Hatha Yoga I’m learning is the most traditional, common and basic one. It is supposedly to heal your innerself or whatnot. Can’t remember. Haha! Not sure if it can help me bend like a rubber!

Anyhow, that’s not the main objective. I just reckon I should start taking up classes to exercise (I’m too lazy to go for jogging or gymming) and to pursue my interests, rather than always talking about it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to, perhaps, lose some weight through Yoga? Possible?

No lessons for the next two weeks (instructor’s not around next week and it’s Chinese New Year the week after). Maybe I’ll practise the things I learnt today by myself. Not sure if I remember all of them though. Two weeks seem pretty long. They could’ve just brought in a stand-in instructor, couldn’t they? Hmm.

The movie kept true the novel. It was well-condensed to nearly 2.5 hours, with the crucial plots un-ignored.

Factual accuracy aside, I truly enjoyed the story itself; how the young and miserable Chiyo overcome her odds to become a successful geisha, Sayuri, with evil interferences from her ultimate nemesis, Matusumomo. Not forgetting my favourite character from the novel, Mameha, the geisha who took Chiyo (who became Sayuri) as her protégé, and thwarted most of Matsumomo’s plans in stopping Sayuri from becoming a geisha.

Having read the novel twice (once in 2000 and another in Aug 2005), the movie had become totally predictable since it kept true to the book. The only thing that interests me was the performance of our Asian counterparts.

The men had it easy; either look interested, look lusty, look possessive or look charming. The ladies were the real draw, obviously, since it’s a movie about geishas.

Two actresses, who are credited as being “introduced”, did an amazing job. Suzuka Ohgo, the child actress as Chiyo, was convincing. Somehow, child actors/actresses usually shine brighter than their adult co-stars (in an adult movie, of course. We’re not talking about Harry Potter or Narnia here). Just look at Dakota Fanning and Haley Joel Osment. They’ve gotten great reviews in the movies they were in. However, the latter seems to have lost his shine after entering into his teens. Perhaps children are really better in expressing themselves.

The next actress is Gong Li (as she’s known here, not Li Gong), the actress who played Matsumomo. I’m very surprised that she managed her English quite well. I was expecting a poorer pronounciation of the language from her. As Matsumomo, she gave me the creeps with her every glare and stare. Even her tone and laugh depicts every bit of evilness the character possess. Credible acting!

I’m disappointed with Michelle Yeoh as Mameha. She’s not refined enough to be a geisha, and worse, she didn’t even put on any of the make-up, nor tie-up her hair, as required of a geisha, in the movie. Very unconvincing here.

As for Zhang Ziyi (or Ziyi Zhang as she prefers) playing Sayuri, well, I had higher expectations of her. I’m not sure if it’s because she was struggling with her English lines, or that her eyes (the colour) looked unnatural (even more so when she had her heavy geisha make-up on), she didn’t seem to be showcasing her acting skills, though her dance background served her well in the movie.

Was I wrong to think that she’s not bad an actress? Not sure how she got her Golden Globe nomination. I’m hoping she won’t be nominated for an Oscar, unless there really aren’t any more credible actresses this year, which I seriously doubt it. I think they might just nominate her to hype up the event. First Asian actress nominated for a leading role in the Oscars, you see. Big thing, like how Halle Berry got her Oscar a few years back.

Other actresses who did well in the movie were the ones who played Pumpkin and Mother. I shall not go into them since I’m unfamiliar with these people, but they really did put up a good performance. The former, who did Pumpkin, is a worth a mention because towards the end of the movie, she really let herself go and brought out the dejected and evil side of Pumpkin, as compared to the earlier timid and clumsy one. Powerful acting here.

On the whole, I’m pretty satisfied with how the movie turned out. The novel definitely has more details on the development of the plot, but the movie is suffice to relate the story.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

I’ve taken a sudden interest with two things last year; yoga and dance. I’m comtemplating on taking up classes relating to the two but monetary issues just had to keep me thinking twice.

It’s really high time to take up some exercises instead of just sitting around and whining about being fat! I’m always procrastinating and that’s no good at all. I needa put some thoughts (or talk for that matter) into action! No more delays!

The next yoga class in a community club near me begins on the 15th this month. I’LL SIGN UP AND PAY UP AND GO FOR THE LESSONS!!!! EVEN THOUGH CLASSES START AT 11.10AM ON A SUNDAY!!!!!

I WILL DO IT!
I WILL DO IT!!
I WILL DO IT!!!

Anyway, yoga’s due to interests (love stretching exercises!) and dance’s inspired by several factors like drama, movies, musicals and Xiao S (taiwanese compere). Looking into Latin and Jazz dance. The posture, the grace, the rhythm is simply amazing! Every movement, every jerk, every step and every expression is full of energy and zest! I want to be like that too!!

I hope these won’t just be a spur-of-the-moment kinda thing. *cross fingers*

Was out with Boonie & Cheryl on Boxing Day last year. Made them come over to Jurong Point because I woke up late and wouldn’t be able to make it to City Hall in time. I’m amazed with my persuasiveness some times.

Me & Boonie at Seoul Garden (Jurong Point)

Cheryl & Moi

Cheryl & Boonie

Us @ Seoul Garden (Jurong Point)

Us @ Swensens (Jurong Point)

Isn’t it great to catch up with old friends once in a while? We get to know what each other are up to, exchange juicy gossips and reminisce about the old times. Sometimes I wonder, “how on earth did we end up as friends?” Is it a character-matching thing, or is it just a feeling thing.

I’m always teasing Boonie about how she didn’t used to like me (at least that’s how I saw it, haha) during our first year in polytechnic. Somehow or rather, we ended up being close friends. I’ve always had the experience where I felt good around someone when I first know the person, but as time goes by, I realise this is not a friend I’m going to share everything with. How long do first impressions last?

I’m not sure if I’ll get to make any more good friends after I enter the working society, but one thing’s for sure, I’m glad that I’ve made enough good friends during polytechnic to last me for life (I hope). They make the bulk out of my circle of friends, which isn’t big at all.

Cheers to friendship!

Right, my ugly site is finally up again. I’ve lost all my archives due to a failure of my backup hard disk. Yes, you heard it right, my backup hard disk died on me, causing me to lose all my backups. How interesting.

Life’s still interesting even though I’ve been away for one whole year eh? Hopefully things have changed to a point where you can actually tell that I’m a different person as compared to a year ago through my writing. Maybe I’ve become a better person!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!